


Written in the Body

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Calling Through Time [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Supernatural
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Vessel Sam Winchester, Anti-Possession Tattoos (Supernatural), As close to E as I ever get, Bottom Severus Snape, Canon Divergence - Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Getting a Tattoo (nongraphic), Good Severus Snape, M/M, Mental Feedback Loop, Normally I over-tag, Psychic Bond, Season/Series 04, Severus Snape Lives, Sex Magic, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Skin Hunger, Tattoos, Touch-Starved, Trying not to, Writing on Skin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 21:44:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18269882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Snape opens up to Sam about his past, including who has caused him harm. He wants to stay in Sam's world, and Sam makes sure he will be protected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [masaothedog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/masaothedog/gifts), [halfbakedsnape](https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfbakedsnape/gifts).



> The title is an intentional play on the title Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson for many reasons. With immense thanks to the people betaing this series. <3

As soon as Sam’s fever breaks for the last time, it’s like an internal alarm goes off in Severus so that he knows, feeling it on an intrinsic level.

Even when Severus was the only source Remus had for a potion to relieve his affliction, he wasn’t this connected to the man’s bodily processes.

“Morning, sunshine,” Severus says, though it’s around three and pitch black outside.

Sam laughs, the tired laugh of someone who’s definitely seen enough, but will see more whether he wants to or not.

“No more fever dreams?” Severus says gently. “You saw things, didn’t you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I did. But….”

“Hm?”

“You were there. The whole time.”

“I stayed here with you.”

“I know, but I mean I could see you. When Dean--”

Severus raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t think it wise to add anything. The pause is all Sam.

Sam shoots a look toward where Dean is in the next room, through a wall, a decision made when it was obvious Sam was in the clear and Severus was staying.

“Uh, Dean was there too, and he...didn’t think very highly of me. I know…. He… doesn’t feel like that really, but it was…” Sam sighs. “Severus,” he says, “That doesn’t matter. How are _you_?”

“Tired,” Severus says. “Things….are changing.”

“Yeah. They definitely are. Do you have regrets?”

“No. I have a future here. Do you have any?”

“You just sat with me through one of the worst experiences of my life. You’re unshakeable. No regrets.”

This time Severus is the one with the sad smile. He spreads his hands. “If...you...think so.”

“Severus.”

“Yes?”

“It’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out. And Sev?”

“Mm?”

“Nice nail polish.”

Severus laughs, slightly haggard but genuinely smiling now. He looks down at his darkened nails. “I magic it on,” he says. “That’s why it doesn’t chip with wand work or teaching.”

Sam grins. “I love it. Genius.”

Severus leans into Sam and lets out a long breath.

*~*~*

A few hours later, Sam rouses out of a doze and can tell Severus is physically uncomfortable. It radiates off of him, and he seems to be sweating.

“Sam.” Severus is almost gasping. “My magic.”

“Right here. Try to... tell me. What do you need?”

“Don’t know. It’s under my skin.”

“I know. I’ve felt it.”

“Crackling.”

“Like electricity?”

“Yes.”

“Does it hurt?”

Severus’ voice goes small and weak even to his own ears. “A bit. I mean. Yes.”

“Oh, Severus. Hold on.” Sam pauses, thinking. “Can you…let some of it off? I can try to hold it.”

“I don’t know, I…”

“Severus, you’ve never hurt me. If you need to stop hurting…”

Severus nods, with tears in his eyes that make them glisten. “Yes. Please.”

“I’ll take it, if I can,” Sam says. “Let’s try.”

Severus puts one hand on Sam’s arm and the jolt moves through him and into his partner, his equal in magic he realizes as Sam takes the power in. He doesn’t grab for it or pull, he’s just...open and ready. Like a vessel emptied out of darkness and filled with--

More darkness?

Severus stiffens in trepidation. “Sam… What if I just make this all worse?”

“Severus. It’s okay. I don’t want you to be in any pain, any more than you’d want me to be. I can take it. It doesn’t hurt. It feels like…*

“Like what?”

“It feels like you,” Sam whispers.

*~*~*

“Oh, God, Severus...it feels like....” Sam is shivering. “You.”

There’s a dull ache in Severus’ bones, but the worst of the pain is gone and he watches Sam, trying to focus on his breathing. He doesn’t know what to say. Not yet. There’s so very much--

Tears flow instead of words, and Severus is shaking, and Sam reaches out. Against his better judgment, once more Severus lets him do it, but he can’t melt into Sam’s touch now.

Too much is running through his mind.

“I’m sorry,” they say in tandem, something that might be funny were it not so ridiculously emotional.

Sam brushes at Severus’ cheeks. “I’m sorry because I don’t-- I just want--” He’s breathing hard. “More. But I know…”

Severus pulls back. “This doesn’t come from a good place,” he confirms. “You’re feeling my…”

“Severus. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Please. Oh, please, more… _Please_.”

Severus wants so much for Sam to really want him. But--

“There are things you need to understand first,” Severus says. Sam is left breathless. 

The younger man nods, though. “I know there are,” he says softly. “How…”

“I can’t give you more because… It’s too painful. There’s so much you don’t know.” Severus lowers his eyes. “I don’t even want to have to tell you.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have implied this would be easy,” Sam says, “But I’m here. Let me be here, right here, with you.”

“I felt...unnatural in my own skin. So I….” Severus sighs. “Sam, this is very hard to talk about.”

“I know. And we don’t have to.”

“Yes we do. If it’s leaking out of my pores, then we do. I can’t hide what I did anymore.”

Sam nods. “Okay.”

“I hated myself. Sam, I...I hated myself. There’s...reasons.”

“Angel--you don’t have to tell me.”

Severus starts to shake. He pulls back from Sam and says, “I don’t know how I even… I thought I was going to die. Sam, you’re one of the first people who’s… Can I…?”

“Whatever you need. Severus, I mean it.”

“I trust you,” Severus says with wonder. “You know what it feels like.”

“Some of it, yes.”

“Thank you. Sam. Thank you for coming for me.”

“I will,” Sam says. “You’re safe with me, Severus. I promise. Well. At least when it comes to this.”

“I don’t need that much safety. Just enough,” Severus says. 

Sam smiles.

Severus finally reaches for Sam again, gingerly. There are tears in his eyes. “I developed this so that I could...have partners, but they wouldn’t really have to touch me. I know how that sounds but I couldn’t, Sam. I was scared. I was in a situation I couldn’t get out of. I wanted to be with people, but it was so hard. So I…”

“Severus…”

“Can I give you more? Please…”

“I’ve never wanted anything more.”

“Oh, God, Sam. Please let me.”

Sam gently puts his fingers on Severus’ wrist and Severus doesn’t flinch. Sam takes his wrist in his hand and guides his hand to Sam’s chest. “Let me feel you.”

Severus shakes harder, but he lets his hand lay more heavily on Sam’s body, and he lets his energy flow. He lets out a breath, and he sees that Sam can feel that something changed.

Severus lets himself into the flow of energy. “Oh,” he whispers.

Sam pushes slightly closer to Severus and Severus shakes, harder and harder.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Sam says. “You don’t have to…”

Severus starts to cry. “I feel you too,” he says in a choked voice. “Oh, Sam…”

“I’ve got you, Severus.”

“Sam, you feel amazing.”

“I’m right here,” Sam whispers.

“I’ve never…”

“I know. I know.”

“This feels amazing. It was never… I let myself...” Severus is shaking so much he isn’t sure if he can send Sam any energy but he manages. The energy flows down his arm and into Sam, who starts reacting as if--

Oh no.

Sam is shaking and crying in rhythm with the feelings rushing through Severus and-- “I’m sorry,” Severus says. “I’m sorry.”

“No… No, Severus. I’m...ready. Thank you,” Sam says, even though the emotions are clearly running through him. “You were so afraid.”

“Yes…”

“Severus, breathe. Breathe. I’ve still got you. You’re okay.”

“It doesn’t hurt as much. How?”

“I’ve got you. I promise. I’m here. You can give me more.” Sam is still letting the emotion in, holding it, and asking for more.

“Sam, I’ve never… wanted people to touch me.”

“I feel it,” Sam says. “But I…”

“You can,” Severus murmurs, his words running together. “You can. You can. Please.”

“Let me feel you,” Sam whispers. “More.”

More and more flows into Sam. And Severus feels the emotional pain lessen.

Sam is letting it out for both of them. “Okay, Severus,” he says, “Okay.”

“I love when you say my name,” Severus says. “I love…”

“I’m here,” Sam says. “Are you ready?”

Severus nods, but a shiver of anxiety works its way through him, heart racing.

“I’ll wait,” Sam says.

“Anxious.”

“I know,” Sam whispers. Then louder. “You can give it to me.”

“Sam, no.”

“You’ve never let any of it out, Severus.”

“No. I haven’t.”

“It feels like it could have killed you.”

“I was waiting to-- I’m sorry.”

“But you reached out.”

“That night, yes. I knew the battle was coming and I--”

“Okay. I’ve got you. Severus. I think you can heal here.”

“I know I can,” Severus says. “I am. Thanks to-- Will you…?”

“I was waiting for you to ask,” Sam says, “Can I come closer?”

“Yes.”

They lay together, side by side, but Severus is still holding in a flinch Sam can feel. “He used you. Whoever did this.”

“More than one. But...Albus Dumbledore.”

“I know that name,” Sam says. “It’s inside you.”

“I know.”

“I’d…”

“No you wouldn’t, Sam. I can feel you. You’re so gentle.”

Sam scoffs. “I’m a hunter.”

“Afraid of himself. A hunter afraid of himself. I see it. I feel it. I’ve been afraid too. Maybe even more. But…”

Sam is still shaking, just as hard as Severus. 

“I didn’t want to give you more… I didn’t want to hurt you, Sam.”

“You didn’t.”

 

“And I don’t like how Dean-- Was.” Severus still wants to flinch. But he inches closer to Sam. “I’ve got you too, you know. She used you too.”

“It’s sick, it was...controlling, it was…”

“I know.”

“Severus. Will you let me…”

“Sam. Anything. But Sam...” 

“Mm?”

“Let me have some of…”

“No, Severus. I don’t want to give you pain.”

“Sam, please. I’ve never opened the channel this way, back to me, and I want… Sam… you have a light in you. Did you know that?”

Sam blinks. “No?”

“I didn’t think so. Will you give some to me? Will you let me hold your light? I promise I will keep it safe.” _Oh, my lovely one_ , Severus thinks, and maybe sends silently. He doesn’t care if it is flowery and for once in his life he doesn’t feel like he is too much, or unloveable, _untouchable_. “May I? You shine so brightly, Sam. I won’t take it. I just want to hold...hold you, your essence, in me.” It’s maybe the most important thing Severus has ever said in a situation like this and he braces himself, waiting, and it feels like eons even though it’s not long at all.

“Yes,” Sam breathes. A flood of gratitude reaches Severus through the new connection.

And Sam’s light comes next.

It’s enough to fill the room, the motel, the street, it’s enough. And it’s headed right for Severus, who takes it with just as much gratitude as Sam has for sending it.

Because Severus can see it.

“Thank you, Sam.” Severus is solemn. Reverent. “Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

The connectedness blurs from psychic connection to sexual connection and back again. Again and again and again in waves, until Sam lets out a sound, the sheer connection washing over him and, “Please,” and Severus whispers, “Yes.”

Severus lets Sam in again and Sam can barely tell where his body ends and Severus’ begins but they go slow, so slow, and it’s natural and right. Everything flows together and Sam is floating, keyed into Severus’ voice and nothing else, riding the waves of need and desire long held back as if waiting for Sam and this moment. 

It’s like a fever dream where only the two of them exist at all for as long as the moment goes and the gratitude between them is so intense it makes them quake. 

“You’re the only one,” Severus whispers, “It’s never been like this, I never felt-- this--”

“Thank you,” Sam says, and he lets out a moan.

Severus thinks, _That’s how I make him feel_ and it’s equal parts wonderful and terrifying. He tries not to go still with fear.

“I won’t…” Sam starts, but he stops. It’s clear a moment later he’s beyond words.

As they move together in rhythm, Severus gently reaches for his arm and sends waves into him, this time the deliberate use of the magic Severus developed exactly for this. It was meant to give with so little, so little touch but now Severus is letting it all in, with Sam shaking and letting out whimpers of need that get louder and louder.

Severus knows how to control this. It has never surged through him like this before but he knows, he knows how to form the waves and pull them back. He knows how to give to a lover until they are truly spent. He will not--does not--leave Sam wanting.

Sam’s own touches are gentle, so gentle and careful, and Severus can’t believe he’s letting himself go, allowing himself to have this. When tears start to flow, Sam just whispers, “Got you. That’s all right. It’s all right, Sev…”

“Never…” Severus says.

“I know. I know. Let it out. It’s all right. Thank you, love, for the trust….”

Severus would give it again and again. It is the best thing he’s ever done.

“You’ve saved my life. You’re saving my life every day.”

“I’ll do it every day.”

*~*~*

Severus feels a new wave of need, this one short and sudden, and he lets Sam take him in his hand and ease the long-held-back ache of it. 

*~*~*

The waves come and go as Sam sates something held in for so very long. 

When the need is lessened, for now, Severus whispers, “You can touch me. You can hold me.”

Sam murmurs back, “That’s the best thing you’ve ever said.”

Severus lets himself let go and falls asleep in Sam’s arms, knowing his relief shows on his face.

*~*~*

Sam finds a text in the morning--Dean is leaving on a hunt for the weekend, but there’s a car in the parking lot that’s all set for Sam and Severus. Sam blinks. “Do you think he heard us?” he asks half-seriously and Severus laughs until his sides hurt.

*~*~*

“I won’t ever take advantage of what you’ve given me,” Sam says softly. “I promise. But Severus. If you’re staying. There’s something we do for protection here.”

“Mm?”

“It’s...a...another tattoo. Anti-possession.”

Severus freezes.

“I...think I know...you might not like your…”

“It’s the Mark. The Mark he gave me. It’s faded. I…” Severus is getting words out, but his voice is tiny and distant. Almost formal, if he could put the energy into it for that.

“It’s like I remember,” Sam says softly. “I know you don’t…”

“I can’t-- I--”

“Severus. It’s...I know. But it’s important. For your safety. Sev. Come here.”

This time Severus lets himself be held but he doesn’t warm to Sam’s touch, he stays stock still and in misery.

“I can give it to you. The tattoo. So that somebody else--doesn’t have to--um, touch you?”

“Oh.”

“Please, Severus. I want you to be safe.”

Severus lets out a breath. “I would let you. If you...I’d be terrified.”

“I know. I know. I can...it’s for safety, but…” Sam lowers his eyes. “If you want to go back-- for any reason--”

“No. Sam. I don’t.”

“Any moment. You just say the word. Please. I want you to know we have some trust here.”

“I want to stay. I’ll do it. You can…. You could… write inside me for all I care. I trust you. New world, new rules. I’ve done okay so far, right?”

“Mm...you’ve done amazing. And I’ve…”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Really, really fallen for you.”

“Me too,” Severus breathes.

*~*~*

Severus pretty much always wants to be touching Sam, or Sam wants to be touching him, once Severus has let him in.

They touch, and they have so many tiny conversations that are about the same thing.

The tattoo.

Sam says, “Anything you need to ask. I will be so careful, Severus. And if you don’t want me to finish--”

“No. If I need it for-- protection-- I will take that. From you. Your hands,” Severus says. “I will.”

“I’ll hold you any way you need to be held. We can be connected.”

“You’ll feel my…”

“It won’t hurt me, Severus. I’ve got you. _Anything_ you need, any moment. Are you scared to stay here?”

“No.”

“Okay,” Sam says. “We can go so slow. We could take as long as you need.”

Severus knows Sam doesn’t ever want to let him go again. He is pretty sure that he would be ready to let that happen.

*~*~*

The night before they are going to put the tattoo on Severus, Sam gets the supplies together. Dean is back with the Impala but still giving them space. The supplies come out of the trunk and that night Severus has a panic attack.

He tells Sam that he still trusts him. He lets Sam cradle his energy, bringing it into Sam’s body to hold again, and Sam whispers and sings softly until Severus resurfaces.

“We can wait,” Sam says softly. 

“No. It should be over with.”

“Severus Snape,” Sam says, “You’ve never not been brave.”

Severus feels a blush on his cheeks and almost smiles.

*~*~*

It doesn’t go as quickly as Severus would like it to be over with. Placing the tattoo takes four days of gradual work. Even Dean asks if he should stay in the room or not. Severus wants it to go fast, and he settles easily into Sam’s mental embrace. That is ultimately the easiest part, and something Severus will happily do for days and days, but in the end the tattoo is too much, overstimulating, and they go very slow. It’s something that Sam and Dean have drawn so many times, they know its strokes by heart, but tattooing it onto Severus is genuine, emotional work. Sam hums to him, a tuneless something that Severus doesn’t know how to identify, but Sam’s voice helps. There are tears from both of them in the end, and Severus keeps up a litany: “I want to stay. I want to stay. I want to stay.”

Sam’s eyes are wet when he says, “I want you to.”

The dialogue keep him grounded during the very worst, and the anxiety that almost but doesn’t crest into another panic attack. And he thinks Sam believes him.


End file.
